My take on All About Love: New Visions
She reads, She reflects, and she renews!
“To open our hearts more fully to love’s power and grace we must dare to acknowledge how little we know of love in both theory and practice.”
After reading this book, bell hooks gave me a FRESH perspective on love. She made me realize not many of us actually do know how to define love. If you look it up online, it states: “an intense feeling of deep affection.”
However, love is so much more than “an intense feeling of deep affection” for another person. Wouldn’t you say so?
hooks constructs a formula of seven ingredients to truly love. Affection being only one—she goes on to state the rest: care, recognition, respect, commitment, trust, and of course, honest and open communication.
One thing that’s made clear from the beginning of this book is:
"To understand love as the will to nurture our own and another’s spiritual growth, it becomes clear that we cannot claim to love if we are hurtful or abusive."
To simply dissect the volumes written in that one sentence:
Love is a choice, not just a feeling.
Love is nurturing one’s own spiritual growth.
Love is nurturing another’s spiritual growth.
Love and abuse cannot coexist.
hooks explains how children learn from the grown-ups surrounding them what “love” is… However, unfortunately, not everyone depicts the stellar role model of love to their partners. This is crucial. Children should be taught and shown what love really is from the beginning.
It’s easier to learn the true way to love early on versus having to do the work later in life, but HEY! What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!
I resonated deeply with this part of the book because I know I was loved, and AM loved, deeply by my parents. However, seeing the patterns they partook in caused me to fall into my own cycles, constructed from bits and pieces of what I saw as a child and thought was acceptable.
I am now unlearning and discarding all these patterns. Thank GOD for character development, right?
“Trust is the foundation of intimacy. When lies erode trust, genuine connection cannot take place.”
She said what she said!!! I’ve experienced this firsthand in my relationships. The moment little white lies enter the picture…call it wraps. Not really… but really...
I’ve always been one to throw in a little white lie here and there, and back then, I didn’t think much of it. Now I see why it’s unacceptable. If you are sharing your mind, body, and human experience with someone, I would assume this is your best friend. (If they aren’t your best friend... what are you doing?)
Simply put: Lying to your partner is more of a disservice to you than to them, still a disservice nonetheless. That genuine connection is no longer taking place due to lack of trust.
“It is impossible to nurture one’s own or another’s spiritual growth when the core of one’s being and identity is shrouded in secrecy and lies.”
I think there should be 100% honesty in a relationship. And to whoever reads this and is like, “Oh no, definitely not… my partner doesn’t need to know this” I think you should look a little deeper and inquire with yourself: “Why not?”
You just might find something.
“To know love we have to tell the truth to ourselves and to others. Creating a false self to mask fears and insecurities has become so common that many of us forget who we are and what we feel under the pretense.”
Nowadays, everyone’s got masks on and facades being performed. For WHO?! I don’t know… If anything, people don’t even realize they’re doing this because it’s themselves they’re hiding from… the one that actually wants to LOVE.
“If we succeed without confronting and changing shaky foundations of low self-esteem rooted in contempt and hatred, we will falter along the way.”
So pretty much: LOVE YOURSELF FIRST!!!
How do you expect yourself to love someone else if you don’t love yourself?
How do you expect someone else to love you if you don’t know how to love yourself?
It all circles back to self-love. Master loving yourself and setting your foundations and boundaries BY YOURSELF. So that when the day comes that that special person comes along (because it will :) ) , you are ready to give your all, as well as continue building from your already-set foundations.
“When love is present the desire to dominate and exercise power cannot rule the day.”
Love and power cannot coexist. Power is taken through force. Love is never forced. It can’t be, and if it is… SPOILER ALERT: It’s not love hahaha.
If more people gave up the love of power for the power of love, this world would feel a lot lighter.
“If men were socialized to desire love as much as they are taught to desire sex, we would see a cultural revolution.”
It’s so true though! Imagine that… a world where men were socialized to desire love as much as they are taught to desire sex.
Society has fabricated men through sexualizing everything and looking past what actually matters, the foundation of true intimacy.
While men can think they “don’t care” about this and that... blah blah… deep down in their hearts, they yearn for love.
It’s only natural.
We all have hearts to feel.
Choosing to lead with love can open your eyes to a whole new world.
“The essence of true love is mutual recognition—two individuals seeing each other as they really are.”
Which brings me back to honesty:
An individual can’t truly see you if you’re lying, hiding behind a mask, or performing a façade.
Thus, there’s no mutual recognition...
Thus... it’s not true love </3
“To know and keep true love we have to be willing to surrender the will to power.”
The day you surrender your life to the illusion that you have all the power… is the day your new life begins.
An amazing new life at that.
“People who cannot suffer can never grow up, can never discover who they are.”
This is kind of perfect to end this…
Learn through your suffering.
Whatever that looks like for you.
That’s the whole idea behind what I’ve crafted here.
I hit rock bottom… and suffered… and suffered… until one day, I decided to transmute all that suffering into who I’ve always been meant to be.
Through that suffering, I grew up...
I discovered who I truly am, who I want to be, and how I want to show up in this world.
All in all... Great read.
If you end up picking this book up or if anything I shared here felt like a little lighthouse moment for you,
Let me know! We’re all learning, loving, and unlearning... together.
✧ From my <3 to yours,
Chérie